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[Spinflip]

If I found the magic geinie and he gave me just one wish
I would ask for him to give me my very own private smoke pit
I'm sick and tired of going out for a smoke and they're all buzzing me like bees
"Hey man come here and tell us a story from when you were on the submarines!"
"Yeah yeah, gather 'round, have y'all heard the one where we torpedoed Disney?"
And then I just gaze off into the distance, talking like I'm made of plaster
"Well, we killed Mickey Mouse, but Donald swam away, that rat bastard!"
And then everybody laughs, but the story isn't even funny to me
Just one of the many I tell to get them to just let me be

That's why now I walk to my car when I want to smoke a butt
But that doesn't help, because when I come inside they pop right back up
Like a shameful whack-a-mole, inviting me to parties at the hotel
They think I love to party, but really I think they can all go to hell 
But I always go because they know I can never turn down a drink
I know I'll regret it in the morning when I wake up deep under the sink
Or lying next to some naked woman that I've never met before
With my shoes halfway untied, and all the clothes that I wore before

Sometimes I'll wake up alone, and all my 'friends' have left me here
The first thing I do is raid the fridge to see if they took all the beer
I should be mad at them for ditching, but my emotions are turned off
I'm on a mission here. Oh, sweet! They left behind the Smirnoff!

So now I'm sitting in a cheap hotel with a cheaper bottle in my hand
I've almost emptied it by myself trying to forget just where I am
And how I ended up here, and how long until I leave this place
And the fact that I will never again see that Ladys smiling face
All these things depressing, so I shall just continue drinking
'Till I've made myself incapable of such dreadful, dreary thinking
So much I remember, so I guess I'll have another shot
I wonder if this'll kill me before I've had enough to make it stop..

[Couzifer]

I think now I'm getting your trick of writing, you make your pieces so easy to read because you make em' sound like a conversation between you and the reader...I'm def' liking that.

This piece got a great concept: How we end up caged in our bad habits although we want to stop but it gets really hard to escape...I didn't like the ending tho' (sad)...its like u' gave up the fight!!!

[vnorm]

this is some good writing no doubt. Sounds a little more like rap but then the plot s mad deep so it has my vote for a good poem.
The language was really basic and to say the truth, had nothing awesomely poetic bout it except for the very smooth rhymes that made your flow smooth and entertaining.
Experiment with varying lengths. You got it.