7 replies to this topic

[Kizito]

PLEASE VOTE viewtopic.php?f=31&p=127764#p127764

you'r free to give this a title.. i couldnt decide on a single one.

She swoons amongst stars dancing on the milky way
luminous like the moon tango dancing till its noon
Her beauty above average, her thoughts are elevated
She is Africa's backbone and i thought i'd celebrate it. whilst
we dance and forget the circumstance.
Her dark skin, short hair, arms thin, skin fair,
She is my African princess and i see her everywhere.
Her eye shadow on rose petals, her skin in precious metals
her maskara on the grass and charcoal is her past.
Dark. burnt with tragedy, like her skin except less elegant
Her mind is full of dreams and her heart has birthed elephants
pregnant with reality, Her truths defy gravity
when circumstances pull her down, she rises like my salary
and thus we start again to where she is dancing in the rain
with the planets raining on her and they wash away her pain.

Africa she is hopefull tracks burning chasing dreams
Her drought is her fast, She seeking Elohim
saying Hello, Him, humbled, welcomed in her soul
and she starts dancing amongst galaxies, seeking to give him all

Sky as her blankets, pillows stuffed with clouds
underneath her many children dreaming dreams that make her proud
she is past her past's truths like the bondage and abuse
foreign angles weren't right, even hers were quite obtuse
but past and today have decided call it truce
comb her hair, annoint her skin, clip her nails, brush her tooth
let us beautify her future, she is a new girl
& the change inside her future has brought about a new world
former beasts that slandered her are courting her with new respect
red guilt on their arms whilst pride has stopped their introspection
its time for introductions in her splendor walking in
Ladies and gentleman, Ms Africa, her new identity settling in
she takes a deep breath, and she glides amongst the stars
shooting stars like paparazzi flashing at a film star
but fact is, the cactus pierced her past the black veil...
Still forever she shall show her shine beyond the blood trail...

[Couzifer]

Kizito said:

She swoons amongst stars dancing on the milky way
luminous like the moon tango dancing till its noon
Her beauty above average, her thoughts are elevated

wow ow!...Now that's a fucken entry!!! a right mood setter for this poem...I feel proud of this poem...it feels like I wrote it myself.

There is alot of quotable lines in this piece...props man

A great write you got there!

Peace.

[vnorm]

I'd call it 'New Moon'

Nice write Kiz. Some of the rhyming was perfect like this one

Kizito said:

Her beauty above average, her thoughts are elevated
She is Africa's backbone and i thought i'd celebrate it

other skinda made the poem feel like it had fillers. IT was a bit long but I didnt mind that. Very entertaining stuff.
Keep elevating.

[Kizito]

New Moon? makes sense, thanks Norm.. still open though

thanks for the feed back Couz and Norm!

[Kizito]

New Moon? makes sense, thanks Norm.. still open though

thanks for the feed back Couz and Norm!

[The NomadPoet]

I loved this:

"Her dark skin, short hair, arms thin, skin fair,
She is my African princess and i see her everywhere."

:roll:

[MC Qham]

Kizito said:

She swoons amongst stars dancing on the milky way
luminous like the moon tango dancing till its noon
Her beauty above average, her thoughts are elevated
She is Africa's backbone and i thought i'd celebrate it. whilst
we dance and forget the circumstance.
Her dark skin, short hair, arms thin, skin fair,
She is my African princess and i see her everywhere.
Her eye shadow on rose petals, her skin in precious metals
her maskara on the grass and charcoal is her past.
Dark. burnt with tragedy, like her skin except less elegant
Her mind is full of dreams and her heart has birthed elephants
pregnant with reality, Her truths defy gravity
when circumstances pull her down, she rises like my salary
and thus we start again to where she is dancing in the rain
with the planets raining on her and they wash away her pain.

i specifically liked this whole first stanza

Africa she is hopefull tracks burning chasing dreams
Her drought is her fast, She seeking Elohim
saying Hello, Him, humbled, welcomed in her soul
and she starts dancing amongst galaxies, seeking to give him all

Sky as her blankets, pillows stuffed with clouds
underneath her many children dreaming dreams that make her proud :)
she is past her past's truths like the bondage and abuse
foreign angles weren't right, even hers were quite obtuse
but past and today have decided call it truce
comb her hair, annoint her skin, clip her nails, brush her tooth
let us beautify her future, she is a new girl
& the change inside her future has brought about a new world
former beasts that slandered her are courting her with new respect
red guilt on their arms whilst pride has stopped their introspection
its time for introductions in her splendor walking in
Ladies and gentleman, Ms Africa, her new identity settling in
she takes a deep breath, and she glides amongst the stars
shooting stars like paparazzi flashing at a film star
but fact is, the cactus pierced her past the black veil...
Still forever she shall show her shine beyond the blood trail...

sure was dope bro,u r goin there (elevation) nice drop props man :arrow: :wink:

[Kizito]

Thank you Qham and Nomad.. thank you very much

Honour

K