4 replies to this topic

[thaddaeus]

I have seen many things
many things i can not explain
I have held close this idea of love
torn,broken down and confused
but these hands,these two hands are idle

Can i even begin to promise you a miracle
something you have yet to witness
Perhaps another flood with bring you salvation
but these hands,these two hands are idle

I can imagine life without you
suffocating those who stand too close to my river
your reflection in the current is distorted and amiss
but these hands,these two hands are idle

Maybe you should thank me

[vnorm]

this is a very metaphorical piece. I like such pieces.

thaddaeus said:

I have seen many things
many things i can not explain
I have held close this idea of love
torn,broken down and confused
but these hands,these two hands are idle

the opening was abit cold. The poem picked momentum in the second verse. I wasnt a fan of the repetition of 'many things'. Dont use repetition unless you are stressing the words. I dint imagine you would be stressing 'many things'. :?:

thaddaeus said:

Can i even begin to promise you a miracle
something you have yet to witness
Perhaps another flood with bring you salvation
but these hands,these two hands are idle

my favorite verse. Especially the second line. The allegory to the floods was good.
Your mood best stood out in this verse. The sarcasm felt innocent, which has an excellent effect.

thaddaeus said:

I can imagine life without you
suffocating those who stand too close to my river
your reflection in the current is distorted and amiss
but these hands,these two hands are idle

did you mean 'I cant? It made more sense that way. Its like the pain she's caused makes you hurtful to ther people who come too close, because of the aftereffects of the times with her. Nice imagery on distorted reflection.

The last line was welcome because I was expecteing that you'd be on to something grat with the repeating line.
Great piece.
So far my favorite this week.

[thaddaeus]

No,i meant can.
The poem was about the impotence of god's wrath due to it's inability to destroy it's on creation(all of us).However god was once a vengeful entity,and perhaps it longs for that once more*hence Maybe you should thank me...
Appreciate the feedback.

[Couzifer]

thaddaeus said:

The poem was about the impotence of god's wrath due to it's inability to destroy it's on creation(all of us).However god was once a vengeful entity,and perhaps it longs for that once more*hence Maybe you should thank me...

Daymn man!...u' poetry is deep! it makes moar* sense now that u've explained it and also those few vnorm pointed out!

Nice write poet.

[vnorm]

nice. That also makes sense.
poetry is great, its like the proverbial elephants. U see what you see depending on how u look at it.

respect.