11 replies to this topic

[MC Qham]

KIZITO

Darkness...
I dream on the wings of discourage and despair.
Earth shook, broken buildings, crying children noone cares.
I feel bitter sweet, death littered streets and free things to loot.
I feel the summer heat, swollen feet, blood, chaos, cries!
I feel pain buried deep..
I weep, why did TODAY decide to die?
A grim sight, dreams die, their dust carried in the wind.
I see lost children who are the FUTURE, IT'S abortion is a sin.
Darkness...

I dream on the winds from a heart breaking land
I see Sudan, as Taliban, they suicide bomb their dawn
Bleak tomorrows as corrupt bishops move to crucify their pawn
I see Lucifer being crucified and dying on their lawn
The Beast's blood boils for war, staining soils, birthing bareness
you decide.. who is crucified when Rwanda wreaks of genocide
I see salvation well on course for Africa's menopause
I dream of today when our future is well on course
transition comes we've bruised our mom, lawless to flawless.

Light!
I arise in paradise, past horrors in my eyes
I glide on the winds of peace, is this harmony disguise?

VS

BROOKS

A LETTER TO DREAMS

Dear dreams,


I will sleep with you until you become pregnant,
But the anxiety prompts the abortion,
its in trying to use sounds to paint these pictures,
Soon, palindromes emit time,
The imagery dies of reconstruction.

Do you not know hard it is to be you?
To look expectantly at the road of expectations,
Hoping that someday you will come through?
It’s in your waste of time,
In the reluctance to what my longing seems,
Babe, if you know you are the reality,
Why not visit me in my dreams?!

Why I else should I sleep?
Am I not sick?
I am sleeping in the same reality I hope to achieve
So what I see and feel is out of reach?
I am forced to think that reality is an illusion,
Because it’s non existence in existence clouds my perception,
Perceiving what is here but can’t be reached….
I think, therefore I am,
So I think am thinking,
But in truth, am only dreaming.
By the way, dreams!
Can thinking far be seen as dreaming?

Dreams!
You indulge me with your smile,
With hopes of realization,
Basking in a pool of anticipations,
Disappointments towel me dry,
She says you cannot attract everything you see with your third eye.

Despite all these frustrations and accusations
I still appreciate you,
For existing, for living
For making me see life’s dream in dreaming.
Dreams!,
I will keep on doing you as you would to me,
But all this faceless reality you show me,
Shouldn’t be.
Yours Truly…

[MC Qham]

Kiz man your opener was great but as the poem flows was kinda disappointed coz You seemed to dwell a lot on just one aspect of dreams, a common aspect, I feel. Brooks tackled it from a coupla angles and that’s where brooks took the win. And again both pieces seemed forced (perhaps no inspiration poets?) and you guys seemed strained a lot.
Vote: Brooks

[Couzifer]

Kizito; You raised my expectations with your entry...it took me off the ground but once I was afloat ready to fly away into poetic realms you crushed me down like I was wingless!!!...what I'm trying to say is if you would have kept your entry pace...then your poem would have been amazing...Dreams is really a common topic everybody can relate to but you can put it in

Quote

quotes

and play wit its meaning into infinite...in this case I feel like you didn't exploit that opportunity may be because you limited yourself with the number of lines to use. You had some powerful lines which I liked

kizito said:

A grim sight, dreams die, their dust carried in the wind.

Quote

I dream on the winds from a heart breaking land

kizito said:

Darkness...
I dream on the wings of discourage and despair.

kizito said:

Bleak tomorrows as corrupt bishops move to crucify their pawn

You go deep with those lines.

Vote: 7/10

brooks;

brooks said:

I will sleep with you until you become pregnant,

That was a let down bro, a weak opener...it kind of takes away the poem immediately and distracting the reader...amazingly, what followed was really on point...I liked the idea of personifying "Dreams" and addressing she would read your letter...you imagery was sick and flow was well kept on point. You took this topic from a very creative angle and that's how you survived this.

Vote: 8.5/10

Overall Vote: brooks

NB:
I feel that you both can do much better than this!

[vnorm]

Kiz you had the better piece in this but it was hardly about dreams.
I noticed and dug your multies. They had alot of sense in them and brought out the whole darkness and light idea you had perfectly well. the ending was kind of abrupt, as Couz already pointed out.

Brooks your piece ended by the 3rd verse. beyond that it felt like you'd rueally been squeezed of inspiration and you basically just reworded the ideas in the previous verses. Your writing is very good though. Your vocabs were on point and helped make your communication very crisp. You are arguably among the best poets around. Mad respect. You just didnt come through in this battle. It wasnt as entertaining as your opponents.

I'll vote based on adherence to the topic, and thus Brook gets it by a hair's breadth.

Vote/BROOKS

[Kizito]

3-0.. clean sweep

Couzifer can i post now? if not just delete this...

[Couzifer]

Kizito said:

3-0.. clean sweep

u' mean K.O!?

Kizito said:

Couzifer can i post now?

If u' conceding defeat right away (6 days til' end of voting)...then its ok...you can go ahead and post.

[MC Qham]

Kizito said:

3-0.. clean sweep

Couzifer can i post now? if not just delete this...

:o

Couzifer said:

If u' conceding defeat right away (6 days til' end of voting)...then its ok...you can go ahead and post.

damn!pple cant even peep the battle section n vote wtf isn goin on? :roll:

[Kizito]

Looks like this is it... Thanks fam.. Brooks congrats..

[MC Qham]

kiz good to see you battling man,keep this place active..i hope you stay around and battle alot,you did great actually.its a good effort..peace hommy! :wink:

[MC Qham]

kiz good to see you still standing after battling man,keep this place active..i hope you stay around and battle alot,you did great actually.its a good effort..peace hommy! :wink:

[Poetic Seraph]

Damn. I know I'm too late,but my vote wouldgo to Kizo. he had that whole Martin Luther King "I had adream" thing going on, society criticism. and maybe its cliche but I liked it
brooks poem was heavier...; felt kinda forced at some point. and i do agree, i think both poets are capable of more

[brooks]

giving the piece a better read, i think i did really bad on it. was writin my exams when i wrote that piece, damn! i cant believe i won that one! :o
anyways thanks for the vote guys.