8 replies to this topic

[Poetic Seraph]

MC Qham

"Idleness"
At the geographical scene of my surrounding lay scattered thoughts and visions & careless habits.
At the juncture of my conscious lay the blueprint of crippled progress of non-biological schemes and anti-moral retrospectives,
In the idleness of blunt emotions, the collisions of dreadful action lurks through the layers of preconceived ideas influenced by a solitude mind inhabited by invisible madness, every development fell apart leaving me in void numbness.
In the quiet streets of solitude, lay abandoned minds, and on the dark (empty) walls painted mischievous graffiti that reflect on blank eyes, and hollow ears waging unscripted thoughts on the mind…

In the biological spectrum, illusions fill me, body architecture demanding well accounted labor, cells half-conscious, blood flowing to the empty bowels of food reserves, stomach groaning, thoughts run wild from unspeakable boredom…
Hollow thoughts vibrating in the loose shadows of my idled mind frame
In my green conscious, the last shred of a fading light carries away actively-rich sanity
To unleash deeply buried memories and concocted hallucinations.
In the wake of redundancy, were profound hurdles that threw parts of my tenderness to whirling confusion at a point in my horrendous life that I once led.

In the Geo-Social unit – idle minds beyond sane self control lead zombie bodies to the corridors of utter destruction…
Blood dripping from abandoned knives, blunt smoke from self-inflicted Ras Tafaris notions of righteousness, mortal immorality… add up to the domains of unattached pro-egoistic endeavors…
Wild actions conceived by equally idle psychologies bear the magnitude of shear necessity! – unchained slavery.

In the economic hour glass, a pre-dominant vice crippling the limbs of monetary progress… penetrating to the central nervous system of the idle-victimized society, or is it lazy ideologies?

Ladies and gentlemen, with this idleness demon squashed, I was free again to write; from the far corridors of freedom, chains fell down in heavenly hymns made quick by the smooth motion of justified ambitions of poetic progress!

Join the righteous army in the Holy war of moral injustice! Kill the enemy (idleness) with the last bullet left!


Couzifer

"Idleness
they wail like homeless wild dogs
from high peaks beneath mist and fog
their voices slither silently unheard like a serpent
deep into the dead zone of the night
with their never heard spiritual dialect...
easily twisting their vocab into the dead streets

into the dark corners of abandoned backyards
is where they dwell away from the sunlight
through the corners of their sight...
they watch keenly as the days pass by,
cursing the sun, forcing the sons...
of men to vanish into the darkness

mothers gather in the chilly weather
dressed in blacks feet sore and cracked
their whispers cut through the cold
in a frantic search for the lost souls...
of their loved ones, daughters and sons
those lost under the idle land of the dead

so as the idle land of the dead slowly spreads
and burial songs sadly rides on the "evil" wind...
the trapped souls underneath are slowly bred
into an idle army of invisible vigilante
those that we only visit under "holy" shrines
for there they are bound to the ground
like the trees are, back to their "roots"

back to the roots of their ancestors
those who forever wait for them, helpless
from the days of Eden, the days of creation
to the historic beginning of evolution
firmly they grow together with the trees
standing tall, breathing life back into our atmosphere

for as their bodies lay beneath idle
mixing with the soil slowly turning into crude...
...oil, they keep our lives moving
and their souls wander upon us unseen
blowing with the wind whispering words of wisdom
into our idle minds making them blossom with ideas

[brooks]

Damn!.....Both pieces came from a diff point of view. And also, very good. I'll vote mc qham. To me, his piece centred more on the topic. Nice battle though, couz your piece was really sick though... Damn!

[Poetic Seraph]

@ Brooks: this topic was crazy. How you gonna write poetry about idleness? Wow, glad it wasn't my battle!!!

Both different points of view indeed. mc Qham had some amazing lines, but for some reason (probably the structure mainly) I found myself struggling to keep on reading. it felt like seperate thoughts put together, but not in the most coherent way. Couz's flow was on point. This is a very difficult battle to judge. hmmmm. I gotta give my vote to Couz.

Mc Qham, you're pretty new to AHH, so i'm happy to see that you get this poetry battle thing going. Motivated! Just the way we like it :)

[vnorm]

(yall should stop freeposting on battle threads its annoying to have to red through each to dtermine which one is a vote and which aint!) :evil:
:lol:

This is an easy vote.
Qham. You might be a newbe but your vocabulary is way better than most older poets in the forum. Its your greatest strenth. The words are however un-poetic, especially when it sounds overdone. e.g

Quote

In the biological spectrum, illusions fill me, body architecture demanding well accounted labor, cells half-conscious, blood flowing to the empty bowels of food reserves, stomach groaning, thoughts run wild from unspeakable boredom…

this was hard to comprehend man.
I liked the way to took onto the topic and exhausted it. You really did write about idleness. I would have liked a twist, though. Thats somethig Couz killed you with. Experience, maybe. Structure also needs some work. Lots of potential in this.

Couzifer: THE TWIST! Your piece sounded so creative, bcause of the angle with which you approached the topic. Structure was ok. I liked how you made punctuation help your expression. e.g

Quote

cursing the sun, forcing the sons...
of men to vanish into the darkness

it gives 'sons' a double meaning and some sort of emphasis that is fun to get.
nice battle to both of ya

Vote/Couzifer

[Kizito]

Wow people... wait a minute....

(ok a minute's passed)

1st of all my vote: Couzifer

i love you opener... it jumps into it

Quote

they wail like homeless wild dogs

homeless dogs have absolutely nothing to do.. their lives are empty. nothing to guard, noone to protect... they.. are... idle. i also love the twist, the unexpected tale under a seemingly subtle topic. you shifted the mood from a
lifeless, slow, atmosphere created by the topic itself... and you gave it life.. and vibrancy.

Qham did great!! but... (oops, but) the structure of ur poem made it a drag to read... great content, but it was a heavy read. the rest.. Vnorm mentioned and thats it. your poetry is on a level bra.

Motivated! lol

Honour

Kiz

----------------
then again Qham... your structure is appropriate to the atmospere your poem required.

honour

K

[cornelius]

i got to admit you oarks really blew this topic out of propotion in an amazing way.
its been a tight one, really tight, but i think Couz took it because i feel he was a little vivid with his dipiction. believe me i will take nothing from Quan, boy you sleek, if i ever run up against you i surely will be on my toes. word.

[brooks]

@ps- lol, not that difficult if i may, its a cool topic... So, i see this is going couz's way.... The next battle, please members should step up! We want to keep this place alive remember?

[MC Qham]

all y'all thnx for the advice and the votes
couz my nigga i think its goin your way,,gotta say it was a pleasure battlin with you..an honor man!

[MC Qham]

brooks said:

@ps- lol, not that difficult if i may, its a cool topic... So, i see this is going couz's way.... The next battle, please members should step up! We want to keep this place alive remember?

we def keep it locked

cornelius said:

i got to admit you oarks really blew this topic out of propotion in an amazing way.
its been a tight one, really tight, but i think Couz took it because i feel he was a little vivid with his dipiction. believe me i will take nothing from Quan, boy you sleek, if i ever run up against you i surely will be on my toes. word.

thnx bra!

Kizito said:

Qham did great!! but... (oops, but) the structure of ur poem made it a drag to read... great content, but it was a heavy read. the rest.. Vnorm mentioned and thats it. your poetry is on a level bra.

Motivated! lol

Honour

thnx for the advise man

its an honor all y'all