4 replies to this topic

[MC Qham]

Reasons to transform the streets fell deep into space,
The people involved didn’t agree there was less
But the more the ego the far it went, these contrary to absolute pace
Now the images copied and paste! In the memories successors of those left
Nothing much as to survive the hoods that are filled with clefts
All over there are footsteps and rotting complex crumbs of flakes
Death homes increase in number everyday
Coz when thirsty fathers drain toxic-waters, toxic fluids
The vice gives birth to first-rate compulsion and matures up to death…
So when the full stop halted, the ink uncovered ancient prophesies of evil plotted, the motion of this scribbling device executed and factual points jotted.
It evens up to me that things got out of hand and it was now necessary that this be noted and peace of life promoted.
Coz by these deaths, one thing was obvious – we’re indebted; death hosted, old kings painted ousted.
Back to this flowing proclamation –
Daddies past tensed like out timed verbs. It’s borne to cries and closure of doors that lead to light, comfort of quality of life.
Scenes of angry families, loss of their beloved pillars; in both moral, social & economic aspects, angry that it’s quite clear termination of noble prospects!
The end product; education mid-stopped, inter-family collision, separation and people falling off peaceful homes they’ve known throughout their lives. Thrown in the streets to the vultures and the creed of survival life.. Contempt their constant feed from mutual associates…What more can life spit at an innocent perpetrator of it in the meanest madness of time and environment?
Furthermore letting it eat away the finest and limited elusive pleasures of its corridors of existence?
How many have filled their pillows with tears, over the years ignoring the horrors of nightmares presented in reality in the most unpleasant of moments – even considering their immaturity of age..
Victims forced to sharpen by the clock of black-faced ghosts of timed realities! XY-gened relatives rotting within 6 feet of the earth. Their last journey to the last stages of immortality!
Now they’re traveling ahead of their time, against the current, towards the gates of survival. The world spinning uncontrollably; who’ll emerge from the mist – the strong-minded, environment adaptive optimist or the current-beaten pessimist? Are the winds blowing west, north, south or east?!
The orphans’ rage, were you so adamant to the pressure of hard-hitting tears, are your eye lids sore? Are you sober? Despite the drained strengths, wasted years on the road of survival? Are you aware of the mist that transcend above the clouds to obscure extended breaths?
Are you aware of the orphan-age, the era when all hell’s gates broke loose?

[Couzifer]

I have read this piece twice trying to connect...all i see is a dark age a death age...an age where we will have to pay for all the wrong things we've done here on earth...its like a judgement day where only the innocent kids will be spared hence the many orphans!...may be there is more to this piece and I hope you will let us know.

I feel there is a powerful concept in this piece but its really hard to connect...i think its something to do with the structure and some of the rhymes seems forced;

MC Qham said:

Now the images copied and paste! In the memories successors of those left
Nothing much as to survive the hoods that are filled with clefts
All over there are footsteps and rotting complex crumbs of flakes

This can make an amazing piece of poetry if only you try to make it more vivid and work on the structure...

Keep on writing...

[Poetic Seraph]

I co-sign, if the poem was more structured, it would add a lot for the reader. the concept seems amazing, but it's kinda hard to connect, cuz it seems kinda difficult to read. dunno what it is

[MC Qham]

Couzifer said:

I have read this piece twice trying to connect...all i see is a dark age a death age...an age where we will have to pay for all the wrong things we've done here on earth...its like a judgement day where only the innocent kids will be spared hence the many orphans!...may be there is more to this piece and I hope you will let us know.

actually its bout how death (whatever the cause) leads to the loss of the male characters of our parents (dads),which is quite happening around me on a high rate!so i felt it was a certain aroma all over the world tryin to play the same rhythm...i dnt know bout you guys but its happening around me (esp my close

Couzifer said:

I feel there is a powerful concept in this piece but its really hard to connect...i think its something to do with the structure and some of the rhymes seems forced;
MC Qham wrote:
Now the images copied and paste! In the memories successors of those left
Nothing much as to survive the hoods that are filled with clefts
All over there are footsteps and rotting complex crumbs of flakes


This can make an amazing piece of poetry if only you try to make it more vivid and work on the structure...

Keep on writing...

friends)
that again is somethin i look forward to rectify in my subsequent work,thnx for the highlight!

[MC Qham]

Poetic Seraph said:

I co-sign, if the poem was more structured, it would add a lot for the reader. the concept seems amazing, but it's kinda hard to connect, cuz it seems kinda difficult to read. dunno what it is

i hope its now clear P.S. :wink: