9 replies to this topic

[revolt]

i touch square keys
writing explicit break downs
of what i see
recording what i hear
mentally defining what i
can understand
and fighting to grasp what i cant

with these hand
calloused rows of skin
from finger tip to palm
Ive barricaded shelters
underground
relieving myself from the norm
normalcy is not in me
compliance is not in my vocabulary
so i build

build structured heavily fortified mind states
of individualism
expanding my horizon beyond
the right now
the back then
and whats to come
what came is not the same
of what happened
so i build

build legacies of ancestry
to stop the puppetry
subservient commentary
irrelevant symmetry of a system
thats not symmetrical
but one way habitual directions
erasing the connections we have on our past
raising a cyborg type humanity
remote controlled society
revolving full circle
feeling democracy's wrath
but its deeper than that

deep like ocean bottoms
where the thought of Atlantis
is outlandish
and how they say you cant
blame pedophile priests
thats how they got down
in ancient Greece

see
things like that are what make
me write my vocal speeches
hoping that it reaches
at the least one ear drum
and rattle something in em
I'm flooded with these ideas
on our genre
of these conspiracies
so i build

build an army
armed with mental agility
form warriors with mental stability
for the take down of
governmental heresy
abridging the gaps
from land to land
minds exploding
stored information like computer ram
in a three gig hard drive
quick with it
so i build

build like more prisons more prisons
for our parents and there children
and there plans on keeping us
there forever
for eva eva for eva eva
and its working

we need to see that prisons are more than
barb wired fences orange jump suits and
using your boys chain for a picture
you was hoping to send a female on the out side
so you tried to look good with a mean face on your grill
because u ain't want to seem like a punk
but that right there
see
thats the prison I'm talking about
so i build

build a foundation
with no weak points
because a weak joint
will start the collapse of my entire
been constructing it since child hood
don't want to see it fall
thesis on what i see
out side my heads brick wallz
so i build and keep building

[Ghostic]

revolt said:

Ive barricaded shelters
underground
relieving myself from the norm

Nice imaginary skills here...

revolt said:

expanding my horizon beyond
the right now
the back then

Cool

revolt said:

thats how they got down
in ancient Greece

REALLY :shock: :shock: :shock:

revolt said:

build a foundation
with no weak points
because a weak joint
will start the collapse of my entire

I love this drop...coined some poetry with some construction ish...feels like a construction engineer's poetry...yeah you one, coz this was well constructed and engineered.

Seems you write in lenghts...I see you gata lota words in you like u on some high shit...would love to smoke your joint too.

ONE!

[revolt]

good look son ive been on sum writers bloc shit so this came out of me yesterday and im taking your advice by breaking it down into parts cuz my joints r a lil long, and yo son im on sum sober shit lol word on a different page of my life.

[Poetic Seraph]

revolt I been liking your work from the very first one you posted on AHH, but see, now that I read this, I figured out what the poet writer's block is all about. it's not that u are growing as a poet. it's that you are taking a big jump forward and u end up in writer's block, cuz ur brain can't move forward that fast! damn this write it hot!! i'm loving the imaginary in it. the way you play with words

[The NomadPoet]

revolt said:

compliance is not in my vocabulary
so i build

build structured heavily fortified mind states
of individualism

Well said, I cant help but sense the urgent defiance in this part & it defined most of the rest of the poem for me.


so i build

build legacies of ancestry
to stop the puppetry
subservient commentary

Now i see the defiance turn into rebelion & how that is a natural part of our ancestoral roots, the imagery is a blessing in disguise, reminding me of my Gr 8 History Textbook showing Cold War propaganda with the USA portrayed as the puppet master over a room full of UN representatives, classic.

and how they say you cant
blame pedophile priests
thats how they got down
in ancient Greece


been constructing it since child hood
don't want to see it fall
thesis on what i see
out side my heads brick wallz
so i build and keep building

These last to pieces i like becuase of the way you bring history into relevance, hinting at the Catholic priest scandal & how you hind towards the fact that we never grow, "been constructing it since childhood"

In General a nice piece of work, I'll be looking at your other post soon coz I like what you did in this one.

RESPECT
L?

[copper30]

the poem made me think i could write to it
i like it a laot i think it would be cool to have like a remix
you know with like 4 other artist taggin the same subject
this poem was very inspiring

[eizzy.k]

revolt said:

and yo son im on sum sober shit lol word on a different page of my life.

LoL!
i know all about that...

I think i need to read through this again, real heavy drop...still processing.

keep building.

[eizzy.k]

I salute!!!
i felt the steady rhythm build in this as you laid it down for us what it means to reach the potential we have as children of verse, what it means to keep on and on and on and on despite what ever chains and prisons we may feel we're in.
Inspirational drop revolt!

keep on buildin' !

much love.
Mizz Eizzy

[bluntedmt510]

i like this piece, it was really real. it was tough for me to pick pieces of it because i liked the whole drop but these parts are what really stuck out to me:

revolt said:

with these hand
calloused rows of skin
from finger tip to palm
Ive barricaded shelters
underground
relieving myself from the norm
normalcy is not in me
compliance is not in my vocabulary
so i build

from the first stanza to this one, my attention rose and i understood where you were spittin from. the callouses as barricades to the norm was smooth imagery

revolt said:

build legacies of ancestry
to stop the puppetry
subservient commentary
irrelevant symmetry of a system
thats not symmetrical
but one way habitual directions
erasing the connections we have on our past
raising a cyborg type humanity
remote controlled society
revolving full circle
feeling democracy's wrath
but its deeper than that

what i imagined from this was ancestors passing down sacred teachings and, over time, weeping in their graves over what has become of their descendants through society's assimilation and degradation. they way you describe the happenings is ill, and the "but it's deeper than that" just has to remind that that's not all and it had me smirkin

revolt said:

and how they say you cant
blame pedophile priests
thats how they got down
in ancient Greece

thats very true. there's a lot of that type of hyocrisy

revolt said:

build an army
armed with mental agility
form warriors with mental stability
for the take down of
governmental heresy
abridging the gaps
from land to land
minds exploding
stored information like computer ram
in a three gig hard drive
quick with it
so i build

this right here was dooope.

revolt said:

using your boys chain for a picture
you was hoping to send a female on the out side
so you tried to look good with a mean face on your grill
because u ain't want to seem like a punk
but that right there
see
thats the prison I'm talking about
so i build

i hear u. we do what we can to survive our environments, but we imprison ourselves mentally because of it.

revolt said:

build a foundation
with no weak points
because a weak joint
will start the collapse of my entire
been constructing it since child hood
don't want to see it fall
thesis on what i see
out side my heads brick wallz
so i build and keep building

i liked how you ended it and with an open metaphor with the joints/body.
----

i enjoyed this drop, it was tight. expressive and though it was lengthy, it was concise.
thanks for sharing it and def keep building

[fikrah]

building the great wall with concrete words........peace poet!!!