24 replies to this topic

[Couzifer]

israel

How is it
That though you was rooted in dirt
With dark brown branches
Crooked like a politician's thots
And fixed to a spot
Yet...

How is it
That unadored by fineries and purple robes
With no need for jeweries to hang on non-existant ear-lobes
Stained by the hamantan wind
Scarred by children: naughty and wild
Who throw stones at your offsprings- unriped
Yet...

At the full count of miserable hours
In full blossom- lo! the mass of flowers
Undeterred! you take a stand
then... came
fresh juicy flesh in sprawling old hands
In hundreds till it seems more than your fair share
and strangers look up to you with desire in their eyes
Cos now you are dressed
In colour, flavour- and life
Yet...

SHE!
Dressed in the finest money cud buy
Gold from the east and silk from Dubai
Sophisticated and well-travelled
How is it
That she who had it all
Cud fail so miserably to bear even one
To call her own
Though she seems so alive
But inside she is soooo dead
For she will leave no remembrance after she is gone

Yet...


Vs


Poetic Seraph

In the shelter of the shadows of the mango tree
Sweet flavoured juice
Dripped off her lips
Onto her chin
In between her breasts
Her smile as bright as the highest sun
Let him follow the sugary trail
Savouring for the first time
The taste of her skin

Strong familiar fingertips erected nipples
And tiny hairs on arms and bellies and backs
As hands explored curves and skin and clothes
Two minds travelled in opposite directions
‘Stop it’ she whispers, then begs
But waves of lust induced between his legs

Hunger for the long awaited
Lacerated delicate lace
Legs and virginity violently split open
Fingers clenched in earth and skin
As if
Fearfully digging a way out
Forcefully digging a way in
Roots to pre-adult innocence
Lost their strength
Under a roof of ceremonial leaves
Bruised eyes and busted lips and bleeding skin
Were forced to witness
A lover-to-be committing the worse sin

Seasons passed
New leaves have turned
Pink to red to evergreen
The brutal assault had not been seen
But the smell of
His sweat mixed with
The darkness of her blood and
The mild odour of Lily’s of the valley
Envenomed the sweetness
Of the fruits
Of the mango tree

[Poetic Seraph]

:shock: @ Israel... u leave me speechless

[brooks]

nice pieces both of u!
@ ps; i honestly expected you to come a lil stronger. piece was very good but ...
@ isreal; u must be smoking some serious dope!. nice drop, u have my vote. sorry i cant break it down now

[IDEALIST]

Seraph, I thought you did real good. Nice visual for the mind. But I got to give the edge to Israel. Just a lil stronger. It had a lil more impact on my mind when I was done reading.

I look forward to reading more from both of you.

ONE! 8)

[Poetik MC]

nice work both.I got ma vote 4 Isreal. runnin out of time cn break it dwn bt i will, soon. peace

[vnorm]

ya'll kiddin? THis the hardest Ive seen SEraph go lately.
Im loving the imagery. damn. twas sick. After reading Israel's piece, i expected you to come alittle more direct but you chewed my expectations. Blew my mind off like a zombie.
Emotion was good.

Israel, u sick too poet. as i read on, i felt Id be a fool to think strictly mangoes and not see more to this. A woman, i thought, and it flows perfect with that.
and then the yet... line at the end of each stanza made your piece appear as 1 fine fabric(interwoven). Props. you should however polish you piece. the spelling mistakes kinda had me taken back despite the good content

i jus thought P.Seraph's verse was more thought out and consistent in structure and depth.

vocabulary-Seraph-9, Israel-8
Fun read- Seraph 8, Israel-9.5
Creativity-Seraph 9, Israel-9
Imagery-Seraph 9.5, Israel 9
diction-Seraph 9.5, Israel 8
emotion- Seraph 9.5, Israel 9
(do the math somebody please)
vote Poetic Seraph.
good battle ya'll. this was great. wasnt easy to vote.

[brooks]

@ vnorm; are u serious? hardest? naaaaaaaaaa!i think she knows better.
her piece was dope very nice imagery but isreal came from another point of view that sounded looked and produced a doper piece. u shld read it again
vocabulary-Seraph-9, Israel-9
Fun read- Seraph 8, Israel-9.5
Creativity-Seraph 8, Israel-10
Imagery-Seraph 8.5, Israel 9
diction-Seraph 9, Israel 9
emotion- Seraph 9.5, Israel 9.
this my own vote owing to the way u chose to break it down vnorm. 1

[Couzifer]

Two deep rooted pieces, may be far reachin' than the mango tree roots!!
Breakin' down this pieces would mean two pages on u' screen :wink:

israel: I know' u' got somethin' in u' piece, more than I can see, may be more than ma' mind could contemplate, thats why I re-read u' piece over and over again but unfortunately I keep seein' jus' a typical mango tree??!!, style is on point, the; "Yet..." line gave u' piece nice connectivity between stanzas.
Rating on a scale of 10.
8/10

Poetic Seraph: I love the angle from which u' took this topic from, u split open u' brain's walls n' broke loose u' mind i.e u' went diverse but still kept within the boundaries of the topic. I could easily follow and connect.
From u' I expected more than this tho'.
Rating on a scale of 10.
9/10

My vote goes to Poetic Seraph.

Nice battle guys...mad props.

[eizzy.k]

Quote

Two deep rooted pieces, may be far reachin' than the mango tree roots!!
Breakin' down this pieces would mean two pages on u' screen

I agree! who knew such deep poems could be produced from the simple title of the mango tree! Hell not quite sure isreal talking about a tree at all!! too sick!

well, using vnorms scale,
vocabulary-Seraph- 8 Israel- 9
Fun read- Seraph- 10 Israel- 10
Creativity-Seraph- 10 Israel-10
Imagery-Seraph 9.5, Israel 9
diction-Seraph 9 Israel 8
emotion- Seraph 10 Israel 9.5

Tight one guys! but PoeticSeraph takes my vote by a 1 point lead!!

Quote

i jus thought P.Seraph's verse was more thought out and consistent in structure and depth

I agree, but maybe because i didnt quite get Isreals on the first read or perhaps the yet...kept me wanting more. i dunno but i know that i will have to read that one again! too deep man, you should shed some light on it and the mango tree...

[israel]

@ P.S: just coming out of rehab (or where ever poets go after a suffering K.O) no matter what the votes say you had me really thinking about your piece. Nice!
Guys thanks for the votes
@ eizzy I'm kinda of running outta time but will shed more light on my piece- just think of the mango tree as a WOMAN yet...
peace and keep 'em coming.

[Poetic Seraph]

aaah we need at least 1 more vote before the 23rd, cuz it's a tie right now

[israel]

mos def another vote would decide the outcome. upping. @ P.S bn waiting for ur drop for quite sumtime now :?:

[Poetic Seraph]

huh? what drop? I just posted a new poem

[Poetic Seraph]

end of voting. it's a draw. for the first time :)

[Couzifer]

Yeah! This is a first one here...but I think u' should go for a rematch...we need a winner! Wat u'all think?

[Poetic Seraph]

yeeeaaaah we wrote AHH poetry battle history hahahahhahaha

I'm down for whatever. but haven't seen Israel here lately

[israel]

Poetic Seraph said:

yeeeaaaah we wrote AHH poetry battle history hahahahhahaha

I'm down for whatever. but haven't seen Israel here lately

i'm mos def interested in another battle :wink: .
@ P.S i have been struggling with a bit of the writer's block but i will be honoured to battle you again.

[Couzifer]

israel said:

i'm mos def interested in another battle .

Sup poet, I'm pleased to see that u' still ard n' ready fa' yet another mental duel...
Pick a topic n' forward u' pieces to me...will set up tha battle...

[eizzy.k]

it was a even match...
lookin 4ward to the rematch...

[brooks]

hey guys sorry for the long silencee. i think smething is wrong with me! but i shld be posting real soon.
@ps; why dont i pick a topic for you guys?
@ isreal; wat do u think? ok? really?
here it goes- HAIR!
@ISREAL; I see ur location is zaria, i kinda stay in kd too. yaya dai? :D