20 replies to this topic

[Couzifer]

Poetic Seraph

Grass

Do you not know
Green grass on this grave
That your youthful freshness
Upsets me?

Do you not realize
Green grass on this grave
That your sarcastic smell of new life
Offends me?

Green green grass on this grave
Do you not know
That your mirthful tickling
Is cutting my skin wide open?

Do you honestly not know
Green grass on this sad sad grave
That your dancing in the arms of the wind
Makes me wish that it was my hearth
Who stopped pumping blood in my chest

… Instead …

Green grass on this grave
Please explain to me
Grass as green as lime
How you can continue so easily
To grow so ironically
On the grave of
A child of mine

Vs

vnorm

Grass


I stand, like grass and claim my space on the earth.
Though short, and weak with thoughts shaped in the church,
voice hoarse, stuttering, with numerous breaks in the heart,

I still stand

Defenseless, slashed down with degrading statements.
Stepped on and fed to cows, and made to bow to greatness
from the slightest wind, Somewhere my might exists- for I grow back relentless...

and stand;

Inside the masses, lonely, sore and sensitive.
Whose strength it is I know not, but the source is protecting me;
sueing strayers for stepping me, averting my ill destiny, ...interested in my prayers.

I will stand high
destined to grow as tall as this 'Keep off the grass' sign.

[wreck-a-damus]

wow

this was crazy, i hope all this beautiful poems dosurpass the fierceness of battles...

aight i see the battle is so close so i'll vote in categories

Vocab Vnorm
depth PS
imagery PS
Creativity PS
On Topic TIE
Complexity PS
StructureTIE

O/a ; Poetic S....more closer than the catz suggest

[1thought2many]

I gotta say its a tie ,

Seraph, was deep, very deep, and I felt emotion with the piece..

Vnorm, Im diggen that like a powerful speech....

Well, going with one for vote sakes, Imma say vnorm,
Simply becaue I've never heard grass proclaimed like royalty...

But its a tie... nice drops both of you, the styles are totally different, but the level you both write on is unreal.

[Couzifer]

Now this is interesting, something I noted abt' this battle; While Poetic Seraph is mad @ the "grass", vnorm her battle opponent turns out to be the "grass" itself!!, I feel like that only made this battle so real and also hard to decide on, but I'ma give it a shot;

Poetic Seraph: Her piece is more poetic and easy to follow, I could picture her standing or kneelin next to that grave with tears flowin down her cheeks, yeah because this piece is also too emotional and painful as u can see here;

Poetic Seraph said:

Green green grass on this grave
Do you not know
That your mirthful tickling
Is cutting my skin wide open?

Based on the topic her anger is evident, so she's well on topic.
I really liked how the poem ended, although she's angry at the grass, she also seems it to beg for answers.
On another point of view, according to this piece, "grass" can also mean a "sugar coat" which is used to shield bitterness or evil hidden within' good, Death (Grave) camouflaged in Life (Grass).
A great piece although I feel that u' could have steped out that "grass and grave" box and get a lil bit more diverse by using more imagery.

vnorm: I liked that picture thing, yeah it draws the attention of the reader and makers him /her wanna know what follows.

vnorm said:

I stand, like grass and claim my space on the earth.
Though short, and weak with thoughts shaped in the church,
voice hoarse, stuttering, with numerous breaks in the heart,

Courageuos, inspite your shortcomings you seem to warn that this wont hinder you from fighting back.

vnorm said:

Defenseless, slashed down with degrading statements.Stepped on and fed to cows, and made to bow to greatness
from the slightest wind, Somewhere my might exists- for I grow back relentless...

Resistance! I like how this connected with the previous stanza.

vnorm said:

Inside the masses, lonely, sore and sensitive.
Whose strength it is I know not, but the source is protecting me;
sueing strayers for stepping me, averting my ill destiny, ...interested in my prayers.

This is my favourite stanza, you got much deeper here and spread u' roots by reaching out to everyone, I know what u' are talking about in this piece, the Gospel or anything to do with that :wink:

vnorm said:

I will stand high
destined to grow as tall as this 'Keep off the grass' sign.

No limit.
This is an amazing piece, although the flow wasnt that easy to follow but you was much on point and u' unexpectedly took the topic from another point of view and still brought out a clear meaning

I must point out that both pieces are well brought forth and that makes it hard to make a choice but if I was to grade on a scale of 1-10, this is how it would be.
Poetic Seraph - 8/10
vnorm - 9/10

vnorm gets my vote.

[brooks]

damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps your opener was good,
@ vnorm was up dawg!? - felt u deep on this one
both verses were tight and on point infact, dotted,
the vote/? WELL, mine goes to poetic seraph, i loved ur questioning!1

[vnorm]

Quote

Couzifer said:

Now this is interesting, something I noted abt' this battle; While Poetic Seraph is mad @ the "grass", vnorm her battle opponent turns out to be the "grass" itself!!, I feel like that only made this battle so real and also hard to decide on, but I'ma give it a shot;

Couzifer said:

On another point of view, according to this piece, "grass" can also mean a "sugar coat" which is used to shield bitterness or evil hidden within' good, Death (Grave) camouflaged in Life (Grass).

:idea: thanks for the breakdown. and all other votes.
upping.

[eizzy.k]

Do we got talent up in here or what?!
who knew the topic grass could be written soo deeply about?!

Poetic Seraph; I loved the questioning style you used, and the way you arranged the words and lines, it defiantly sounds poetic and beautiful to read and hear. I loved the contrast between death (the grave) and life (new green grass), it was bitter sweet, sugar coated like couzifer pointed out.
The end was powerful, more so because it wasn’t just the death of anyone but a child of yours, damn, that took the life-death thing to a whole other level...

Vnorm; i've never heard grass being described like that! Damn boy, this was unique! And yet so true, the nature of grass is so resilient, despite how easily it can be put down, its admirable! the last line declaring how one day it will grow till the keep off the grass sign was humorous yet empowering in some way! The sign often prevents people from treading on the grass, it aids it, and by the grass reaching the sign, it shows it doesn’t need help no more....it somehow reminded me of the struggle of the African. we all over the world, like grass, we've gone through so much and and always being put down, like grass, we still growing despite that and always somehow bounce back, like grass, we always being aided financially peace keeping forces etc, like grass and the keep off the grass sign, and i believe that we will one day grow stronger and no longer need that aid!

this was a damn tight battle, you both deserve my vote, but if i gotta pick one, its vnorm, dis piece got me excited!

[adinoyi]

''Do you not know
Green grass on this grave
That your youthful freshness
Upsets me?''
hey i must seraph i must say u somtin else
but piece where good but ma vote goes 2 poetic seraph
why,it was so simple but deep and the aspect of green grass
representin youthfullness.and grave well that was sick nice one seraph :wink:

[vnorm]

thanks for the votes, the explained and unexplained alike. still uppin.

[Poetic Seraph]

we need more votes, cuz if I counted right, it's a tie right now

[nyagah]

both o' u guys totally rocked on this one!!! but my vote goes to.......drum roll......vnorm!!! ur lyrics is lyk a storm!!!
i liked the raw ambition of your grass and hey we're pals :D

poetic seraph i'm also feelin ur vybe bigtime...vnorm told me about you :D

i wanna read some more of your stuff guys

[ik-sl!ck]

Damn. Never knew poetry was this inspiring. Yall poets make rappers feel like toddlers. Im still brushing up the poet in me so i really wont be your ideal judge. Just wanted to say those were some award winning drops. Its a tie in my book. Keep it up

[Ghostic]

Seraph said:

That your dancing in the arms of the wind

For a while I thought I could steal this line...I love it.

vnorm said:

I stand, like grass and claim my space on the earth.

I dont like the standing like grass part, because not all grass actually stand as depicted in the context.

This is a tough one:
It's as if Seraph wrote this on a grave with inspiration from surrounding grasses but at the end she drove her point home.Neat piece...neat.

Vnorm
I've never felt sorry for grasses until now.

I would have gone for a tie if difference in decimal don't mean much,but if it does then Vnorm takes this with about .01 over Seraph....That close!

Both drops are swell.Great stuff

[revolt]

i dont know man my gurl is sick with it im def a fan she got it !!!

[ralstone15]

WOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

two great poems. seph had the better ending. sephs poem has a chilling feeling to it and i like chills
but its the passion in vnorms that got me
so my votes for vnorm.

once again great work from both. big fan!!

[vnorm]

thanks.
uppin one last time? this thing is old. we need more cats to battle.

[Sisa]

Let me start by saying that both poets are Menstruating Islamic hymopheliac Etheopians on Ramadan ( i.e too sick)

Peotic Seraph:

Quote

"Do you not know
Green grass on this grave
That your youthful freshness
Upsets me?"

- the painfull irony of growth that the green grass represents in a place of moarning is ineed eerie, hence the anger

Quote

"Defenseless, slashed down with degrading statements.
Stepped on and fed to cows, and made to bow to greatness
from the slightest wind, Somewhere my might exists- for I grow back relentless..."

Had me nodding my head, relentless.... this line to me screams, that even though i may seem to be insignifecant to you, you cant tell me nooooothing holmes!!

Having said that both poets are inarguably talented, my decision boils down to emotion, and how i felt when reading the poem. My vote is V-norm

Peace!!

[Poetic Seraph]

Vnorm won

it's an honor to loose from u, man!!

[vnorm]

Poetic Seraph said:

Vnorm won
it's an honor to loose from u, man!!

Told u it was an honor to battle you. You are the resilience in this piece.
*bows*
-curtains close-

[Poetic Seraph]

"chit chats with vnorm backstage and wonders about a possible collaboetry"