14 replies to this topic

[Couzifer]

1Thought2many[/u]

It was like a scene from a movie
I mean…street lights glaring
Mean mugging and staring..
Two crowds
Different intention
Both with tempers
As people start bickering
What, What…
Someone said,
Who..Who..
There they go right there
In the alley
One image begin to point
At a crowd that look tighter
Than a freshly rolled joint
Shouting louder
Drawing the neighborhoods attention
So we turned around
And the sht got thick
What.. What..
Gone with that sht..
Yelling out, trying stop a riot
But tipsy then a m#thaf#cka
So basically insighting the riot
Hold up, Hold up
What the f#ck is this
N^gg^ you don’t know me
So gone on with that sh!t
All that yelling and fronting
Don’t amount to sh!t
Aint nothing but space and opputrunity
So what really gives…
You and your pistol and cold stares
Sht don’t mean nothing to me
it might as well be pointed at the air
I been running these streets for years
Fck!t two tears in a bucket
I have no fear..
Its like temp drop to 0
While the siren sounds just blared
The air seemed a little thinner,
While I was just standing there.
Standing beside myself,
I might as well say
In the mist of the yelling
I musta missed a play…

People crying, Standing around
Oh Lord! , someone shouts
As I look at the ground
Whatha ……..
How the fck could it be
I don’t remember any bullets
Last I remember was me…
Telling that nicca how some things won’t be
Him holding the gun
While the streets pumped adrenaline through me
Not thinking cat was wrapped up in street life just like me
The streets children, so basic it was we
We carried no fear
But he carried the pistol
Flaunting his hood mentality
He instantly dismissed emmm…
Five shots right into me..
Clinging to my life,
I’m laying there bleeding
While my soul replays life’s scene
Things wasn’t suppose to be this way
This gotta be a dream,
The streets seemed to raise,
And murder me
As I watch the paramedics
Attempt to pump life,
In a lifeless body,
I idolized one thing
That came back to haunt me
Thug life baby,
Born in raised in the Nappy Streets
The only honor returned…………
Was my face on white t shirts
Reading …. R. I. P

Vs

wreck-a-damus

you didn't Indicate how many lines but w/e



You Call This streets?
you Must be Insane! You Call these The Streets?

A sea of Societal dregs, drowned masses floating on Life-support
Canoes of sufferings and untold Agonies with holes of illusion and deceit.
Brushing Sharks cutting masses with Pay as you Earn Taxes

and You Call these the Streets?

where is the Floodlight that beams through the Poor's night of darkness?
where is the broad way that leads to the Promised Land?
when last could we afford to Honk Horns on birthday Parties or
Oiled the engines of our Tied Nuptial Knots?
Square meals are like Buses by 6;00 hours, this people still drooling on pillows by 9?

My Freind you need to wake up ? sleeping on the Pillows of Notion you called the streets?

By Cobbled stones of ancient poverty lies the Dragons and Sphinx of corruption
they won't let our Chariots to come and ferry us to the Castle of Hope?

Where the Homeless, the weak,
the harmless falls victim harmed by the arms of Goverment created to protect them.

and Yo Call This Streets?

Oh You want me to write of how the Fartherless' hopes went down the drain
and hard to resort to scam and crime justr to feed his Kin-folks.

In Reality City there are no Streets ,Only Apathy that spreads itself along the cul-de-sac of our Hearts!

[wreck-a-damus]

can we get some votes, Plz? :D

[Couzifer]

wreck-a-damus said:

can we get some votes, Plz? :D

Yes Sir, let me be tha' 1st to go on this; here...

Both pieces are on point but I got to go wit' one:

1Thougt2many

1Thought2many said:

It was like a scene from a movie
I mean…street lights glaring
Mean mugging and staring..

Nice intro' into tha' streets, that was a nice mood setter for tha' reader

1Thought2many said:

Two crowds
Different intention
Both with tempers
As people start bickering
What, What…
Someone said,
Who..Who..
There they go right there
In the alley
One image begin to point
At a crowd that look tighter
Than a freshly rolled joint
Shouting louder
Drawing the neighborhoods attention
So we turned around
And the sht got thick
What.. What..
Gone with that sht..
Yelling out, trying stop a riot
But tipsy then a m#thaf#cka
So basically insighting the riot
Hold up, Hold up
What the f#ck is this
N^gg^ you don’t know me
So gone on with that sh!t
All that yelling and fronting
Don’t amount to sh!t
Aint nothing but space and opputrunity
So what really gives…
You and your pistol and cold stares
Sht don’t mean nothing to me
it might as well be pointed at the air
I been running these streets for years
Fck!t two tears in a bucket
I have no fear..

"Typical street life", wat I tryna say is, here u' dwelt well on the topic by painting a clear picture of how life can get hectic and dangerous in the streets, although I do feel that you should have gone a bit diverse and deeper with this one.

1Thought2many said:

Its like temp drop to 0
While the siren sounds just blared
The air seemed a little thinner,
While I was just standing there.
Standing beside myself,
I might as well say
In the mist of the yelling
I musta missed a play…

People crying, Standing around
Oh Lord! , someone shouts
As I look at the ground
Whatha ……..
How the fck could it be
I don’t remember any bullets
Last I remember was me…
Telling that nicca how some things won’t be
Him holding the gun
While the streets pumped adrenaline through me
Not thinking cat was wrapped up in street life just like me
The streets children, so basic it was we
We carried no fear
But he carried the pistol
Flaunting his hood mentality
He instantly dismissed emmm…
Five shots right into me..
Clinging to my life,
I’m laying there bleeding
While my soul replays life’s scene
Things wasn’t suppose to be this way
This gotta be a dream,
The streets seemed to raise,
And murder me
As I watch the paramedics
Attempt to pump life,
In a lifeless body,
I idolized one thing
That came back to haunt me
Thug life baby,
Born in raised in the Nappy Streets
The only honor returned…………
Was my face on white t shirts
Reading …. R. I. P

Damn man, I felt that, u' took this notches higher, amazing how u' unexpectedly switched from life to after-life jus' like death itself.
Great piece man.

wreck-a-damus

wreck-a-damus said:

You Call This streets?
you Must be Insane! You Call these The Streets?

Hahaha, I liked that, sincerely, it jus' sounds "street"

wreck-a-damus said:

A sea of Societal dregs, drowned masses floating on Life-support
Canoes of sufferings and untold Agonies with holes of illusion and deceit.
Brushing Sharks cutting masses with Pay as you Earn Taxes

Man!!!, u took this one here to another state of definitions, I mean its jus' crazy how u' "twisted" the word "streets" to fit in that definition.

wreck-a-damus said:

where is the Floodlight that beams through the Poor's night of darkness?
where is the broad way that leads to the Promised Land?
when last could we afford to Honk Horns on birthday Parties or
Oiled the engines of our Tied Nuptial Knots?
Square meals are like Buses by 6;00 hours, this people still drooling on pillows by 9?

Here we go again, although the reader can see the "real" or typical street in this stanza, u still had it somehow camouflaged in deeper and diverse meanings.

wreck-a-damus said:

My Freind you need to wake up ? sleeping on the Pillows of Notion you called the streets?

Yeah, street as jus' a state of mind :)

wreck-a-damus said:

By Cobbled stones of ancient poverty lies the Dragons and Sphinx of corruption
they won't let our Chariots to come and ferry us to the Castle of Hope?

Where the Homeless, the weak,
the harmless falls victim harmed by the arms of Goverment created to protect them.

and Yo Call This Streets?

Oh You want me to write of how the Fartherless' hopes went down the drain
and hard to resort to scam and crime justr to feed his Kin-folks.

Now thats deep!!

wreck-a-damus said:

In Reality City there are no Streets ,Only Apathy that spreads itself along the cul-de-sac of our Hearts!

Aint breakin' that down :wink:

I must say wreck-a-damus really took this topic to another level, its like he combined his lyrical / or rhymin' skills wit' poetry and u' call see the outcome.
One the other hand, 1Thought2many piece was more poetic but I felt that he took the topic so lightly and hence he didnt go deep enough into "dark corners of the streets"

My vote goes to wreck-a-damus, props on this one dawg!

[wreck-a-damus]

Right thanks for the Breakdown, i feel most humbled. :D

[occipital]

Wreck raised a fantastic point of view to the streets. he didnt take the common route, what 1thought told us about is stuff we already know, but wreck kinda went behind the problem to its root. That for me was poetry, looking at something in a different perspective. I VOTE FOR WRECK

[Poetic Seraph]

hot stuff this battle!! 2 great pieces.

couz already broke it down nicely, and i gotta cosign with occ, the first poem was more of a traditional almost 'cliché' view on the streets. it didn't really surprised me, I could kinda guess what was coming next

Wreck took it from another angle. It got this anger against people that use the streets as their excuse for their lives and everything that goes wrong in it. wreck seems to scream: man, get off your lazy ass and stop using this street life as your sorry ass excuse. i like that and I def agree with that

since Wreck came with the surprise attack and took it beyong the standard street issues, he gets my vote

[wreck-a-damus]

wow i should do poetry battles more. Ditto post-couz's Post reply.

Thanks for the feedback. 2-0

[wreck-a-damus]

3-0 wow KO thanks every one who voted

[1thought2many]

Ok, Ok, I can take that, I forget, we're living in somewhat of two different worlds..
Mad Props Wreck, I seee ya... Nice drop,

Thanks for the read peoples...

[Poetic Seraph]

this topic will stay open for votes until Dec 4th (read the resume of poetry battle rules), so everything can still change :)

btw 1thought, I see there are 2 other poetry battles still open for votes and your vote isn't in yet. so go do that too, please. people vote on your battle, you vote on other people's battle... that keeps the ball rollin

[1thought2many]

I will do that now, I sneak on at work to get down, sorry

[squid]

the 2 pieces are both wonderful

1Thought2many wrote:

It was like a scene from a movie
I mean…street lights glaring
Mean mugging and staring..
Two crowds
Different intention
Both with tempers
As people start bickering
What, What…
Someone said,
Who..Who..

i feel like you could be more creative than this,you have written everything that we already know about street life so it was not surprise on what we already know.

wreck-a-damus wrote:

you didn't Indicate how many lines but w/e



You Call This streets?
you Must be Insane! You Call these The Streets?

A sea of Societal dregs, drowned masses floating on Life-support
Canoes of sufferings and untold Agonies with holes of illusion and deceit.
Brushing Sharks cutting masses with Pay as you Earn Taxes

and You Call these the Streets?

where is the Floodlight that beams through the Poor's night of darkness?
where is the broad way that leads to the Promised Land?
when last could we afford to Honk Horns on birthday Parties or
Oiled the engines of our Tied Nuptial Knots?
Square meals are like Buses by 6;00 hours, this people still drooling on pillows by 9?

i love the way you explored the street,you looked at it in both negative and positive way.

so i VOTE goes to Wreck

[eizzy.k]

well, all that i wanted to point out has already been done so, but overall, i liked both pieces,
1thought2many, i liked the way u narrated you piece, it realy was like watching a scene on from a movie, the drama and action wre there and you kept us reading, anticipating till the end...
Wreck-a-damus sort of a regular at these, and naturaly he came through and toched the topic on all levels, i liked how the piecegot me thinking, and the agressive provocative tone "You call this street?!" it refelcted the similar nature of the real street life!

Wreck deserved my vote, but since 1thought2many is new at this and and really tried, he has my vote, just to shake things up a lil...lol

my advise to u for ur next battle is to try and touch the topic both literary like you have done, but also on a deeeper level, through use of symbols and all that.

Props to the both of u

[cornelius]

i think wreck took it, but enough juice to both versus, they depicted whats real, but i like wreck's deepness on this.one , and piece to both homies

[Poetic Seraph]

wreck won, battle closed for voting