SHORT FREESTYLE , feedback wud b appreciated

I been waitin for 2 months now its time 4 your decision/ Its either yes or no ,like askin teachers for permission/ You been on and off like the breakin of transmission/ Put me in your life or cut me off like circumsission/ You know I love u though without you its like in prison/ You know I love u though without u theres no direction/ The situation needs attention like in the elections/ I need you to be whole , right now I am a fraction/ You're playin with my feelings like a game in playstation.

I'd really appreciate any comments , any suggestions on how to improve , where to improve

Comments

  • 14 Comments sorted by
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited July 2009
    yo it's Gastino;i can spit in english,swahili,venacular or even latino;

    see am straght away from kenya; and on all yo mcs i increase great pressure;

    and all your chics i give more pleasure;than yo motherfucking niggars;

    its like i sold a mill copies of my first mixtapes see am making new figures;

    yes earn from my mixtapes;while you still learning from your mistakes;

    never joke with ma system; coz wack mcs i fix them;

    nigga am never sentimental;and so my impact on yall is detrimental;wadup!
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited July 2009
    AIYO IM THA 1ST RAP DUDE 2 SPIT THA GAME RAW

    I BEEN THUGGIN MA LYF LYK PAC N OUTLAWZ

    I SPIT LIQUOR RYMZ DAT GETCHU DUMB DAWG

    FLO SO NASTY LYK ROTTEN PAW=-PAW

    DIS 8 DOPE BARZ GON GETCHU CAUT UP

    IT DONT TAKE MUCH FO ME TO MASH OUT

    ONE BLADE,D-O-C GON HAVE U SIGNIN OUT

    TELL YA PUNK ASS LABEL N BAND ITS TYM OUT,FUKA
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited July 2009
    Ill neva undastand why good people must die / when I say good people ,I aint talkin bout mike(jackson)/ cousin n my friend shit it wasnt their time/ cats hate this type of rap , but ima say wats on my mind/ i keep it laid back they say nigga wasup/ immortal on this shit ,some say hey keep it up/ i know i aint da best , but im tryin my best/ to keep up wit da rest , am i passing da test?/ so i aint into weezy , im more kanye west
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited July 2009
    fuck reading ur verses u guys ain't penetrate with verbals

    plus u don't vote on topics so why feed u like gerbils

    get a ego bigger than myself u'd have to be an obese Urkel

    trying to get Laura but ya d*ck games don't get in circles/

    prior to popular demand my lines leave yall jus like turtles

    on their backs like u B8thes after da Q has had run thru

    so chill on getting comments coz truth u couldn't spit to

    any of which lines i jus thrown at and all of all you/
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited July 2009
    Thats the thing Q , i aint a battle rhymer . Thats why i said some dont understand the way i rhyme.
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited July 2009
    Hey "Q" .. you are so damn raw!!! I gotta lay tha propers down ... you never fail to raise the bar!!
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited July 2009
    Im a nolstagic kinda rapper shit not a battle rapper/ trippa your groupie ,your fan he suck u off like sweet wrappers/ u say i dnt penetrate , lemme guess ,trippa does dat/ nigga do da math , between da 2 of u , who bends his back?/ u work at railway lines , dats da only time u ever fix tracks/ i eat rappers for dinner bt ima make u my snack/ i spit fire let it burn like capetonian shacks/ make u go and hide yourself like immigrant camps/ you target me , im just a newbie , why dnt you target da champs/ are you a pussy or a broad or maybe plain simple WACK/ if i use em punchlines,they hit hard , nose bloody, like niggas on crack/ nolstagic type of rapper , footninja , make no mistake/ he not a battle rhymer so dont RETALI-ATE
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    iamiam
    edited July 2009
    prolly these are multis account

    why is it only a newbie who cyphi here
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited July 2009
    Iam , I respect all the "veterans" of this site ,and i aint neva wud do such a pussy thing like create multiple accounts. The other dudes I dont know where they came from, i was just writin my shit so MAYBE someone can tell me how far i need to go to actually write good raps. PROPS HOMES
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    iamiam
    edited July 2009
    [quote name="FoOtNiNjA"]Iam , I respect all the "veterans" of this site ,and i aint neva wud do such a pussy thing like create multiple accounts. The other dudes I dont know where they came from, i was just writin my shit so MAYBE someone can tell me how far i need to go to actually write good raps. PROPS HOMES[/quote]

    oooh

    i see where all this started from.ah! from here right

    no prob i gat wat u said
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited August 2009
    no disses, to them higher rankies, but why them kings got to push the little guys around, yall like big bros to us , we're one big african family, couzifer did dsame on my alphabetic rhyme, footninja posted sumtin there, we just need a tap on d shoulder, not criticizing our ish every time, even wen we just wana hav fun,
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    iamiam
    edited August 2009
    c'mon dawg dont take it like that.its was a joke

    keep doin ya thangs no matter wat
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    edited August 2009
    @iam, thanks bruf, i get d jerk, sory i kinda over reacted, come to think of it i may do dsame to sum low rankies may be in years to cum, well we still being familiar, no hardies.
  • Vote Up0Vote Down
    iamiam
    edited August 2009
    [quote name="eljodi"]@iam, thanks bruf, i get d jerk, sory i kinda over reacted, come to think of it i may do dsame to sum low rankies may be in years to cum, well we still being familiar, no hardies.[/quote]

    that its
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